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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22706029">I Wish You Could See What I See</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetandsassy56/pseuds/sweetandsassy56'>sweetandsassy56</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Once Upon a Time (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Love From OQ, Secret Admirer, Valentine's Day</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:54:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22706029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetandsassy56/pseuds/sweetandsassy56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Robin helps Regina see herself  through his eyes!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Robin Hood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Outlaw Queen Valentine’s Gift Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Wish You Could See What I See</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MGstars/gifts">MGstars</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To the lovely Tiffany, @angstymgstars. I will admit I love writing angst but for some reason I struggled this time with trying to create a piece that you would love. I hope I did you justice. Happy Valentine’s Day lovebug! ~Emmie</p>
<p>This is completely AU. I am glad I was able to participate for my final year! I have enjoyed participating and hope everyone enjoys!</p>
<p>P.S. I’m so sorry it's not beta’d!</p>
<p>Trigger Warning: Mild Body Dysmorphia and Postpartum Depression </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looks in the mirror at herself and hates what she sees. Her hair is full of grey streaks. She has bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Her eyes show her age as the lines wrinkle when she smiles. After having Henry she still has loose skin and stretch marks covering her once flat stomach. </p>
<p>How could Robin still look at her? She can’t even walk out of the house without hiding behind his frame; embarrassed because she feels like the whole world is staring. Her mother would be so disappointed in her. Robin should be too. After all her confidence is shattered and her heart hurts. No one wants a self-loathing mother as a wife.</p>
<p>She loves Henry more than anything. Her whole world came together when he was born. When he smiles at her, her sorrows leave her body. When he cries, she soothes him until he is happy again. At night she watches him sleep; the steady rise and fall of his little chest brings her serenity. How can she love someone so much, when having her greatest joy brought her the worst depression she has had in a very long time? What Henry needs is a strong and caring mother, not a weak and miserable mother.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>“How are Henry and Regina doing?” asks John as they start packing up the office for the day. </p>
<p>Robin sighs, “Henry is doing great. He is giggling all the time and sits up on his own. I swear he crawls so fast it's insanity. That boy has my whole heart, I’m telling you.” </p>
<p>John lets out a belly laugh, “That sounds like you. But how is your wife? You seem to be distant since I last saw you both.”</p>
<p>“Honestly John, I don’t know. She is hurting and I have no idea what I can do to help her. I feel so useless. My wife has basically lshut me out  and I can’t fucking do anything. She won’t even let me touch her.” He rubs his forehead in frustration. “I went to brush her hair away from her forehead while she was feeding Henry, and she jumped. I’d never seen so much pain in her eyes.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry man. I wish there was something I could tell you. Me and Marian never went through that when we had Elijah. We definitely had our fights, especially since we were both exhausted and Eli was colicky. Luckily we finally got into a certain routine that works for us. Maybe that’s what you both need.”</p>
<p>Robin starts shutting off the lighting equipment in the studio, “I hope we can get past this. She barely looks at me John. I miss her so much, but I don’t know how to get to her. I just want her to talk to me.”</p>
<p>“Have you told her that?”</p>
<p>“No. I haven’t found the right moment to sit down with her since I scared her. Maybe I will try again tonight once Henry goes down for the night.”</p>
<p>John puts a hand on Robin’s shoulder, “Everything is going to be alright Robin. You will see.” Robin nods in appreciation. “Now give Henry a hug from his uncle.”</p>
<p>Robin laughs. “I will. Thank you John. I appreciate it.”</p>
<p>“Anytime brother. That’s what friends are for.”</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>He steps in the front door and it is completely quiet. This is typical now. He hates the fact that he can’t hear his wife’s laughter and his son gurgling when he enters the living room. When Henry was first born he always would come to see his son and Regina sprawled on the living room for; his usual tummy time always bringing her joy. Since Regina has closed him off he never really sees her, and definitely not playing with Henry.</p>
<p>He sat in his car for over an hour trying to get the courage to talk to Regina tonight. He is actually terrified. He doesn’t want to scare her but he also wants to be able to talk to his wife again. He misses their nightly talks and goodnight cuddles in bed. It’s been almost 6 months since he really just got to hold her. He just misses his wife and her smile.</p>
<p>He takes off his coat and shoes and leaves them next to the door as always. He lets out a sigh and begins to climb up the stairs to Henry’s nursery; knowing that at 7 o’clock at night, Regina is feeding him. Taking the stairs slowly as to not disturb Regina and Henry. He reaches the landing and sees the nursery door open; the rocking chair swaying back and forth.</p>
<p>He smiles at the sight, Henry is fast asleep as Regina looks at him sleeping on her chest. She looks more content then he has seen her in a long time. Her eyes begin to close and he knows he should probably put Henry in his crib for her; yet he waits a little longer. Wanting to memorize this peaceful moment between mother and son. </p>
<p>After a few moments, he slightly knocks on the door, to make sure he doesn’t startle her or wake up Henry. “Regina, love? Can I take him to his crib?”</p>
<p>Regina flutters her eyes open and slightly nods. She slowly gets up and walks to Robin, gently placing Henry in his awaiting arms. “I’m sure you want a few moments with him, I’ll go clean up the kitchen.” </p>
<p>She begins to turn and leave without even looking at him, but he grabs her hand gently and catches her glance. “Regina, can we please talk?” </p>
<p>She looks at him for what feels like the first time in awhile and sees hurt and longing she wishes she could take away. She nods slowly, “Yes, just let me clean up and take a shower.”</p>
<p>He smiles at her and squeezes her hand, “Thank you.”</p>
<p>He watches her turn away and he prays to the heavens he can get through to her.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>She has no idea what to expect. She knows she has alienated him for the last few months. It’s intentional, but it’s to protect him from the destruction she feels shows through every single day. </p>
<p>She knows this is going to make her cry harder than before. As she stands under the scalding hot water of the shower, she lets the apple and honey scented soap cleanse her skin and calm her nerves. A nervous breakdown is not what she needs tonight.</p>
<p>She takes a few deep breaths and turns the water off. Grabbing her towel, she wraps herself up and walks to her drawers to pull on her favorite silk pajamas; Robin’s favorite. She doesn’t want him to look at her with pity if they are going to talk tonight.</p>
<p>Pulling her hair on top of her head, she checks herself one more time in the mirror and heads downstairs. She knows where he is. As she turns the corner to the living room, she sees him lying on the couch, reading as always. She stands against the wall and watches him. God she misses this, misses him. Her nightly curl up with him on the couch while he reads and she watches Grey’s reruns. </p>
<p>She sighs to herself knowing it’s time.</p>
<p>She walks over to the couch and sits on the end opposite to him. He looks up and smiles. Taking his glasses off, he dog ears his page. “Hey babe.”</p>
<p>“Hi.” She looks over and almost throws herself at him. But she holds herself back. She can’t let him see her break in half anymore than she has. She really fucking misses him.</p>
<p>“Henry went down just fine. I hope your shower was nice.” </p>
<p>“It was. Thank you for taking him so I could get everything situated.” </p>
<p>“You don’t have to apologize love. He’s my son too and we’re a team, always, right?”</p>
<p>She doesn’t respond and his heart sinks. This is going to crush him but he has to get her to talk or he is going to go crazy. </p>
<p>He shuffles closer to her and ignores how big her eyes get when he does. He takes her hand in his and lifts her chin up to meet his wawaiting eyes.</p>
<p>“Regina please listen to me for one moment. I need to get this off my chest before I lose my mind.” </p>
<p>He brushes her hair back and she wants to pull away so he can’t see her. If he reads her anymore than he has, he will know how broken she really is. However his hand stays on her cheek as his thumb caresses the side of her cheekbone, so she doesn’t pull away.</p>
<p>The tears are already forming in her eyes as he begins to speak. </p>
<p>He holds her eyes with his own and begins, “Just by looking into your eyes, I can tell that something is wrong. We haven’t spoken more than a few words every day for months.”</p>
<p>He grabs her other hand and brings it to his lips. He kisses her knuckles ever so slightly and her tears fall. Slowly. The guilt and pain is overwhelming.</p>
<p>“Regina, my love, I have barely gotten to touch you let alone sleep with you in my arms. You flinch at my touch and it breaks me in two. I have missed you so much. I feel like I am losing you and I don't know what to do. You won’t even look at me for more than a few seconds at a time. I don’t know what I did but please don’t shut me out.”</p>
<p>He wipes her eyes with his thumbs and continues, “Gina, I will do anything. Please show me your heart again. Please tell me what I have done so I can fix it. Please, baby, come back to me, talk to me. I can’t lose you.”</p>
<p>The little resolve she has crumbles. She can’t do this anymore. She needs him. </p>
<p>She throws her arms around his neck and crushes her body to his. Her head is buried in his neck and she sobs while he pulls her into his lap. His head is buried in her neck as well and she feels his tears. </p>
<p>He lays both of them down on the couch and they are curled into each other holding on for dear life. He begins kissing her forehead and the top of her head as she continues to cry. She feels safe from her mind for the first time in a while.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>He continues to run his fingers through her hair long after her tears have subsided. He just lets her feel his warmth and safety while they sit there in silence. Her heart broke when he asked her to tell him what he did wrong. She thought she was helping him, protecting him, from her demons and the pain that seeps within her mind. But instead of protecting him, she hurt him and he still loves her. Why? She may never know.</p>
<p>He kisses the top of her head and lifts her chin up so he can look at her. “Are you ready to talk about it? </p>
<p>She wants to tell him that it's just stress, but he knows her better than that. He sees her pain and knows her heart better than anyone. </p>
<p>She is scared but reluctantly sits up in a more comfortable position. Robin pulls her into his chest as she sits in between his legs. She leans back closing her eyes. Feeling the safety of his arms around her she spills her heart out to him.</p>
<p>“I hate myself.” He hears him take a deep breath but she continues. This is what she needs. “I look in the mirror every morning and see this woman that looks like a failure. My body has changed. I have loose skin and stretch marks from having Henry. I have grey hair now. The wrinkles around my eyes are more prominent than they have ever been. I feel like you shouldn’t look at me because I don’t look like the woman you fell in love with. I don’t feel worthy enough to be your wife.”</p>
<p>She feels his tears fall onto her cheek and she looks up to see him crying softly. She turns in his arms so she is facing him and wipes his tears away.</p>
<p>“I can’t imagine what you must think of me. I am a mess who can’t even get her son to stop crying in the middle of the night. I can’t kiss you without feeling disgusted with myself. How am I supposed to show you both my love when I can’t show love to myself anymore. I am not worthy of you or Henry.”</p>
<p>She hangs her head low as she says those final words that rip his heart to shreds, “How can you still want to be my husband when all I do is destroy everything I touch?”</p>
<p>He can’t hear anymore. His wife has no idea how amazing she is. He didn’t show her enough love that now she feels like she isn’t beautiful enough for him. God what a bloody fucking joke of a husband he has turned out to be. </p>
<p>He brings her chin back up so he can look in her eyes. “My love. I am so sorry that I didn’t show you how amazing you are every single day.”</p>
<p>Her eyes widen, “Robin it has nothing to do with that. Babe you are not the reason my demons tore me apart.”</p>
<p>He shakes his head in protest. “It is Regina. You are my wife and it took me this long to ask you what was really bothering you. I have failed you. But I won’t do it again, I promise you.”</p>
<p>She starts to protest before but he sits them both up and pulls them off the couch. “I need to show you something. Please don’t say anything, just come with me to our bedroom.”</p>
<p>She nods in acceptance and they both head upstairs hand in hand.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>They enter the bedroom and he walks her over to the floor length mirror leaning against the wall next to the vanity. He turns her so that she is facing the front of the mirror with him standing behind her with his hands rubbing up and down her arms.</p>
<p>She watches him curiously when he asks her, “Do you know what I see standing in front of me?”</p>
<p>She shakes her head no for which he responds by pouring his heart out to her. </p>
<p>“I don’t see my wife in black and white.”</p>
<p>He pulls her dark brown hair out of her bun and lets it fall. “I see the most beautiful chocolate brown hair I have ever seen.”</p>
<p>“I see these gorgeous mocha brown eyes that I could stare into for the rest of my life.”</p>
<p>“I see 2 beautiful rose colored lips that I could kiss until my last dying breath.”</p>
<p>He reaches around to pull her hands to meet his on top of her waist. </p>
<p>“I see the absolutely stunning olive skin of the woman I love.”</p>
<p>He then steps between her and the mirror so that he can now face her.</p>
<p>He is very tentative when he reaches for the bottom of her pajama shirt. She breathes in deeply and lets him lift the shirt over her head. </p>
<p>He gets down on his knees and presses his hands to her stomach. He kisses each of her stretch marks lightly and then the c-section scar that haunts her the most. </p>
<p>“I see the pink and red of the scars on your beautiful skin and I adore them. Those scars gave me the greatest gift I have ever been given; Henry.” </p>
<p>She runs her fingers through his hair as he continues to press soft kisses all over her exposed skin. Her heart has never skipped as much as it is now.</p>
<p>He stands up slowly and pulls her into his arms and kisses her forehead.</p>
<p>He then pushes back the hair that fell into her eyes and kisses her eyelids. He kisses her nose and each of her cheekbones. He puts both his hands on the sides of her head and then kisses her lips with a passion and flood of love she has missed so much.</p>
<p>He pulls away slowly, “You see baby,” he looks into her eyes, “All i see is your beautiful color. I see my beautiful and loving wife. I see the most caring mother I could have asked for, for our children. You are no mistake, my love. You are my grace and mercy. You are my whole world and my dreams. My love, Regina Leia Mills-Locksley, you are my blessing and my heart all in one. Don’t you ever think you aren’t worthy. You are worthy of every single drop of love I have left to give.”</p>
<p>She smiles the widest he has seen since he married her under that beautiful trellis. She grabs his shirt and closes their distance to kiss his lips.</p>
<p>He wraps his hands around the back of her thighs as she hops into his arms and wraps her legs around his waist. </p>
<p>He lays them down on the bed and she pulls away so she can look at him.</p>
<p>“Thank you for loving me Robin Michael Mills-Locksley. I love you more than you could ever imagine.”</p>
<p>He smiles so big her heart could burst and she shows him just how much she loves him as clothes come off and breaths become labored. </p>
<p>They make love in each other’s embrace, kissing every inch of skin they can into the early hours of the morning.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>When Henry starts crying at 3 a.m. she is entangled with Robin and feels safe and secure. </p>
<p>She gets up and heads to the nursery. Her little boy is just restless and lonely it seems tonight. She reaches for Henry in his crib and sways back and forth with him to get him to calm down.</p>
<p>“Henry. Mama is here. I promise. Don’t worry sweet boy. I won’t let you go.” </p>
<p>Arms encircle her from behind as she continues swaying. As Henry calms down she leans back into Robin’s arms. She is going to get better and she won’t be alone. With her husband and her son beside her, what more could she ask for? She smiles at the moon shining through the window as she sighs contently. Finally she begins to see what Robin sees in her; hope.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>A/N: I am sending love to everyone this Valentine’s day! If you are feeling lonely or going through something during this holiday time remember there are ways and people who want to listen help! </p>
<p>I hope you enjoyed this Tiffany! </p>
<p>Sending Love!</p>
<p>Your Secret Admirer,<br/>
Emmie @EmeraldHardy8</p>
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